I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
