exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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