so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
