Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this just has baby written all over it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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