the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's Friday. Sex?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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