And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
