GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
