My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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