If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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