bring money and cleavage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
