Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
