Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
