I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
