You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
