And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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