I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
