Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
