Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
