Im at strip club and am horny
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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