And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
