she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
