Do you still have your period?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
