I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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