i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
