Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
