Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Someone signed my nipple.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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