I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize