It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
