If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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