i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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