Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
