so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
