a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
