Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
