I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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