Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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