im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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