I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
