you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
