he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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