how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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