Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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