there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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