Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
