I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
