I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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