I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
