I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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