I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
