I think I am morally bankrupt
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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