They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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