my phone needs a breathalizer
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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