Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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