oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize