So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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