guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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