you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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