Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
