All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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