Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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