my phone needs a breathalizer
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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