he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
