3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
