THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My balls are so social today.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
