drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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