Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
