i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she peed on how many people?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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