I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
