Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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