went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
