how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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