I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
