Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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