yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
