u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
