So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I could make wine with my vomit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
