Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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