yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
