It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
